Funny SMS

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  • Three scariest things to see in the morning after spending the previous night drunk:<br/><br/> 1) Your face<br/> 2) Your wallet<br/> 3) List of outgoing calls/textsUpload to Facebook
    Three scariest things to see in the morning after spending the previous night drunk:

    1) Your face
    2) Your wallet
    3) List of outgoing calls/texts
    Alcohol   
  • People have ex-girlfriends.<br/> I have ex crushes!Upload to Facebook
    People have ex-girlfriends.
    I have ex crushes!
    Funny   
  • These days, my colleague comes to the office late, smells alcohol, looks sleepy, has dark circles under his eyes, and dresses shabbily.<br/> I think he has started dating my ex!Upload to Facebook
    These days, my colleague comes to the office late, smells alcohol, looks sleepy, has dark circles under his eyes, and dresses shabbily.
    I think he has started dating my ex!
    Funny   
  • `How can I ever thank you?` gushed a woman to Clarence Darrow, after he had solved her legal troubles.<br/> `My dear woman,` Darrow replied, `ever since the Phoenicians invented money there has been only one answer to that question!`Upload to Facebook
    "How can I ever thank you?" gushed a woman to Clarence Darrow, after he had solved her legal troubles.
    "My dear woman," Darrow replied, "ever since the Phoenicians invented money there has been only one answer to that question!"
    Funny   
  • I named my toilet Jim instead of John.<br /> Everyone is so impressed when I tell them I go to the Jim every morning!Upload to Facebook
    I named my toilet Jim instead of John.
    Everyone is so impressed when I tell them I go to the Jim every morning!
    Funny   
  • When I was young, my astrologer said I was born for bigger things in life.<br /> Pretty accurate prediction!<br /> I moved from S-> M-> L-> XL-> XXLUpload to Facebook
    When I was young, my astrologer said I was born for bigger things in life.
    Pretty accurate prediction!
    I moved from S-> M-> L-> XL-> XXL
    Funny   
  • Michael Schumacher may be the fastest driver but have you seen me driving to the liquor store minutes before it closes?<br />Upload to Facebook
    Michael Schumacher may be the fastest driver but have you seen me driving to the liquor store minutes before it closes?
    Funny English   
  • Other Countries: He is 10 years old.<br/> India: Bas Das Poore Hogaye Gyarahwa Lag Gaya Hai!Upload to Facebook
    Other Countries: He is 10 years old.
    India: Bas Das Poore Hogaye Gyarahwa Lag Gaya Hai!
    Funny / Hinglish   
  • Others: Valentine.<br/> Me: Velatime!Upload to Facebook
    Others: Valentine.
    Me: Velatime!
    Funny / Valentines   
  • A neighbor's dog pooped in our garden. My wife told me to take a shovel and throw it into their garden. I wasn't sure why but I still did exactly what she told me. <br/> Now my wife's upset with me because the shovel is in the neighbor's garden and the poop is still in our garden!Upload to Facebook
    A neighbor's dog pooped in our garden. My wife told me to take a shovel and throw it into their garden. I wasn't sure why but I still did exactly what she told me.
    Now my wife's upset with me because the shovel is in the neighbor's garden and the poop is still in our garden!
    Funny   
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