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Upload to Facebook Three scariest things to see in the morning after spending the previous night drunk:
1) Your face
2) Your wallet
3) List of outgoing calls/texts -
Upload to Facebook People have ex-girlfriends.
I have ex crushes! -
Upload to Facebook These days, my colleague comes to the office late, smells alcohol, looks sleepy, has dark circles under his eyes, and dresses shabbily.
I think he has started dating my ex! -
Upload to Facebook "How can I ever thank you?" gushed a woman to Clarence Darrow, after he had solved her legal troubles.
"My dear woman," Darrow replied, "ever since the Phoenicians invented money there has been only one answer to that question!" -
Upload to Facebook I named my toilet Jim instead of John.
Everyone is so impressed when I tell them I go to the Jim every morning! -
Upload to Facebook When I was young, my astrologer said I was born for bigger things in life.
Pretty accurate prediction!
I moved from S-> M-> L-> XL-> XXL -
Upload to Facebook Michael Schumacher may be the fastest driver but have you seen me driving to the liquor store minutes before it closes? -
Upload to Facebook Other Countries: He is 10 years old.
India: Bas Das Poore Hogaye Gyarahwa Lag Gaya Hai! -
Upload to Facebook Others: Valentine.
Me: Velatime! -
Upload to Facebook A neighbor's dog pooped in our garden. My wife told me to take a shovel and throw it into their garden. I wasn't sure why but I still did exactly what she told me.
Now my wife's upset with me because the shovel is in the neighbor's garden and the poop is still in our garden!
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