Lawyer: Your honour, please grant me anticipatory bail.
Judge: What have you done?
Lawyer: Your Honour, I have hired a new secretary!
You seem to be in some distress, said the kindly judge to the witness. Is anything the matter?
Well, your honour, said the witness, I swore to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth, but every time I try, some lawyer objects!
Lawyer's Creed:
A man is innocent until proven broke!
If you don't want to follow the laws, follow the lawyers!
It's better to have loved and lost, than to have won and paid a lump sum to a lawyer!
Lawyer: You say you're divorcing your husband for health reasons?
Woman: Yes, I'm sick of him!
Lawyers talk how doctors write!
Lawyer: What did your husband do before you divorced him?
Woman: A lot of things I didn't know about!
Lawyer: You want a divorce because your husband is careless about his appearance?
Woman: Yes, he hasn't showed up in 18 months!
Woman: My husband has flat feet. Is that grounds for divorce?
Lawyer: Not unless his feet visit the wrong flat.