| At the bar: Man: May I sit here? Woman: I have a boyfriend. Man: That's OK. I have arthritis, I just want to sit down! |
| English: Platonic relationships are a waste of time. Hindi: Bhanwre Ne Khilaya Phool, Phool Ko Le Geya Raj Kunwar! |
| Pro Tip: Always buy more alcohol than you think is necessary. It's better to be safe than sober! |
| I just memorized six pages of the dictionary. I learnt next to nothing! |
| Inside every adult is a teenager wondering what happened! |
| When I was young, I wanted to be a singer badly. After years of hard work and practice, I now sing really badly. Fight for your dreams! |
| Finally being able to breathe through your nostril after a heavy cold is one of life's greatest, yet simplest pleasures! |
| What do you call a group of men waiting for a haircut? A Barbercue! |
| What do you call a person that chops up cereal? A cereal killer! |
| A lot of people want kids, but don't want to be parents! |
