Kids who get the perfect attendance award are either really lucky to have avoided being sick most of the year or really unlucky to have parents that made them go to school even when they felt like sh*t!
I am at that point where I'm not even procrastinating anymore, I'm just jeopardizing my future!
All of my childhood punishments have become my adult goals:
Eating vegetables.
Staying home.
Having a nap.
Going to bed early!
The only reason I was friends with some people in high school was that I saw them 5 days a week!
You don't realize how much stuff needs labeling until you buy a label-maker!
`We can't eat at McDonald's twice in one day. That's too sad.`
~ My 7-year-old daughter shaming me
Someone laughing after they are finished crying is the human equivalent of a rainbow!
Without the laugh track, conversations in sitcoms have a lot of awkward pauses!
"I would die for" and "I would kill for" are opposites despite being used to express the same thing!
As a child, it seemed like parents had eyes on the back of their heads. As adults, it's clear that little kids are extremely predictable!