Woman: Feminine curves that hold masculine nerves.
Weird is just a side effect of being awesome.
Beware of half truths... you may get the wrong half!
I always learn from the mistakes of others who followed my Advice.
Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
I did such an excellent job at being born that I even got a certificate for it!
Laziness is nothing more than the habit of resting before you get tired!
The curse of being the last one at the party is paying the check.
Once, during Prohibition, I was forced to live for days on nothing but food and water.
People who throw their weight around rarely pull it!