Beauty lies in the hidden file folders of my cell phone.
I'm not fat. I'm just so sexy that it overflows.
If I had a dollar for every time I thought about my wife, I would probably start thinking about her.
Make the little things count. Teach midgets math.
If words could kill, I'd sentence you to death.
Please enjoy alcoholism responsibly!
Religion is popular because it makes you feel good about being stupid.
All women are beautiful. Except the ugly ones.
Why wait for 11:11 when God is available 24/7?
My girlfriend called me lazy yesterday; and I almost replied.