The whole world is about three drinks behind.
The only thing divorce proves is whose mother was right in the first place.
A smile is like a tight underwear ... it makes your cheeks go up.
A man's last will and testament is a dead give away.
To make a long story short, don't tell it.
I can't remember the last time I had this much amnesia.
Pretty is only skin deep. Mean goes all the way to the bone.
Cocaine is god's way of telling you that you make too much money.
An economist is an expert who will know tomorrow why the things he predicted yesterday didn't happen today.
Have you ever wondered why you can't taste your tongue?