Clean Jokes

Margie received a bill from the hospital for her recent surgery, and was astonished to see a $900 fee for the anesthesiologist. She called his office to demand an explanation. "Is this some kind of mistake...

Two individuals proceeded towards the apex of a natural geologic protuberance. The purpose of their expedition being the procurement of a sample of fluid hydride of oxygen...

A senior couple pulls up to a gas station: Attendant: How may I help you?
Old Man: Please fill it up.
Old Lady: What did he say?
Old Man [yelling]: He asked what we wanted and...

A woman goes to the Doctor, worried about her husband`s temper. The doctor asks, "So what seems to be the problem?"
The woman says, "Doctor, I don`t know what to do. Every day my husband seems to lose his...

Sarah and Abe are out celebrating their 20th wedding anniversary. During the evening, Sarah broaches the subject of (their) life insurance, an issue she has been raising with him for at least 10 years...

Two couples went out golfing together. The men hit first from the men`s tee and walked with the ladies to their tee box. The first lady took a mighty swing at the ball, missing it completely, while passing...

Mike goes to a psychiatrist. "Doc, he says, "I`ve got trouble. Every time I get into bed I think there is somebody under it. I get under the bed and I think there`s somebody on top of it. Top, under, under top. I`m going crazy...

The priest was preparing a man for his long day`s journey into night. Whispering firmly, the priest said, "Denounce the devil! Let him know how little you think of his evil!" The dying man said nothing...

A difficult independent 75-year-old woman liked sitting by the park feeding the pigeons. One day she brought with her a whole loaf of fresh bread just to feed her daily company. Little by little, pinch by pinch...

A man gets stopped by a game warden with his basket full of fish.
Warden: Do you have a permit for all these fish?
Man: No sir. These are all my pet fish...