Clean Jokes

An armless man walked into a bar which is empty except for the bartender. He ordered a drink and when he was served, asked the bartender if he would get the money from his wallet in his pocket, since he has no arms...

Ever since Robert was a child, he had a fear of someone under his bed at night. So he went to a Psychiatrist and told him "I`ve got problems. Every time I go to bed I think there`s somebody under it...

The underwear making company, Jockey was having a tough time with stock theft. On departure for home, all workers` bags were searched and everything always seemed OK. All security measures you can think of were put in...

Ken sets up his friend Mike on a blind date with a young lady-friend of his. But Mike is a little worried about going out with someone he`s never seen before. "What do I do if she`s really unattractive...

Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I`ll squeeze these dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out?"
Who was the first person to say, "See that chicken...

The following excerpts are actual answers given on history tests and in Sunday School quizzes by children between 5th- and 6th-grade ages in Ohio. They were collected by two teachers...

Monday: It`s fun to cook for Tom. Today I made angel food cake. The recipe said beat 12 eggs separately. The neighbors were nice enough to loan me some extra bowls....

Yesterday I was talking to my doctor and after knowing my occupation and job structure he advised: You must exercise more. Don`t buy cold drinks from stalls. Beer and whiskey better to avoid completely. Drink more...

Five Englishmen in an Audi Quattro arrived at an Irish border checkpoint.
Paddy, the officer, stops them and tells them, "It is illegal to put five people in a Quattro. Quattro means four...

Three blonde fishermen are sitting by the side of a river holding fishing poles with the lines in the water. A Game Warden comes up behind them, taps them on the shoulder and says, "Excuse me, I`d like to see...