Clean Jokes

A man bought a kitten and tried to teach it to speak. Everyday for six years he taught it the alphabet. For hours and hours he`d say to the cat, "Repeat after me..." and then he would say a word, or a sentence...

A crab and a lobster are secretly dating. Pretty soon, the lobster tires of the lying and tells her father, who then forbids her to see the crab anymore. "It`ll never work, honey." he says to her. "Crabs walk sideways...

Two great white sharks swimming in the ocean spotted survivors of a ship that had just sunk. "Follow me son" the older father shark said to the son shark and they swam to the mass of people...

There`s a man trying to cross the street. As he steps off the curb a car comes screaming around the corner and heads straight for him. The man walks faster, trying to hurry across the street, but the car changes lanes...

A kangaroo at the Sydney zoo kept getting out of his enclosure every night. Knowing that mature kangaroos could hop very high, the zoo officials replaced the eight-foot fence with a ten-foot fence. He was out...

A guy goes into a bar with his pet octopus and says, "I bet $50.00 that no one here has a musical instrument that this octopus can`t play."
The people in the bar look around and someone fetches out...

In the poor zoo of India, a lion was so much frustrated as he was offered not more than 1 kg meat a day. The lion thought it`s prayers were answered when one of Saudi Arabia Zoo Manager visits the zoo and requests...

A turkey was chatting with a bull. "I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, "but I haven't got the energy."
"Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?"...

A pedestrian stepped off the curb to cross the street and a car suddenly came screaming around the corner...

It seems that God received a delegation of animals complaining of their lot. They were an elephant, a giraffe, and a hen...