Clean Jokes

A few days before Christmas, a man enters a pet store looking for a unique gift for his wife. The store manager tells him he has just what he`s looking for! A beautiful parrot named Chet that sings Christmas carols. He brings the husband over to a colorful but quiet bird. The man agrees that Chet certainly is retty, but he doesn`t seem to be much for singing.
The manager tells him to watch as he reaches into his pocket and pulls out a lighter. The manager then...

A snail was moving along the beach when he happened to look back behind him and saw three turtles wearing leather jackets.
After moving along for about four weeks, the snail looked back again and saw that the three turtles were still there and closing in on him. So, the snail picked up his pace.
After about six more weeks, the snail...

This guy was lonely, and decided life would be more fun if he had a pet. So he went to the pet store and told the owner he wanted to buy an unusual pet. After some discussion, he finally bought a centipede, whichcame in a little white box to use for his house. He took the box back home, found a good location for the box, and...`

There was this zebra who had lived her entire life in a zoo and was getting on a bit so the zoo keeper decided as a treat that she could spend her final years in bliss on a farm.
The zebra was so excited, she got out of the horse float to see this huge space with green grass and hill and trees and all these strange animals. She saw a big fat weird looking brown thing and ran up to it all excited...

A man wakes up one morning to find a gorilla up in the tree in his front yard. Not knowing quite what to do, he looks in the yellow pages under 'Gorilla Removal Service' and sure enough finds a listing-Harry`s Ape Removal.
So he calls up Harry and about an hour later Harry shows up with all the tools of his trade, a pick-up truck, a pair of handcuffs, a...

A wealthy man decided to go on a safari in Africa. He took his faithful pet dog along for company. One day the dog starts chasing butterflies and before long he discovers that he is lost. So, wandering about he notices a leopard heading rapidly in his direction with the obvious intention of having lunch.
The dog thinks...

A lion woke up one morning feeling really rowdy and mean. He went out and cornered a small monkey and roared, 'Who is mightiest of all jungle animals?'
The trembling monkey says, 'You are, mighty lion!
'Later, the lion confronts a wildebeest and fiercely bellows...

Sachin received a parrot for his birthday. This parrot was fully grown with a bad attitude and worse vocabulary. Every other word was an expletive. Those that weren`t expletives were, to say the least, rude.
Sachin tried hard to change the bird`s attitude and was constantly saying polite words, playing soft music, anything that came to mind, but...

A kangaroo kept getting out of his enclosure at the zoo. Knowing that he could hop high, the zoo officials put up a ten foot fence. He was out the next morning, just roaming around the zoo. A twenty foot fence was put up. Again...

A vampire bat came flapping in from the night covered in fresh blood and parked himself on the cave`s roof to get some sleep. Soon all the other bats smelled the blood and began hassling him about where he got it. He told them to shut up and let him get some sleep, but they persisted until he...