Clean Jokes

A drunk stumbles along a Baptismal service on a Sunday afternoon down by the river. He proceeds to stumble down into the water and stands next to the Minister.
The Minister turns, notices the old drunk and says, 'Mister, are you ready to...

All the farmers for a hundred miles around were attending the wedding of a young Australian couple. Waiting for things to get started, they were somewhat shocked to see the bride's father storm up the aisle, jacket off, sleeves rolled up, and obviously very angry.
'The weddin's off,' he shouted...

My god! What happened to you?' the bartender asked Richards as he hobbled in on a crutch, one arm in a cast.
'I got in a tiff with Martin.'
'Martin? He's just a wee fellow,' the barkeep said, surprised...

There was a mine in a small town that completely collapsed. One of the engineers who miraculously survived the disaster went into the local watering hole. The bar was empty except for one lonely soul at the other end of the bar.
'Hey bartender' said the Engineer, 'I`ll have a beer and pour another one for my friend down at the end there...

John was sitting outside his local pub one day, enjoying a quiet pint and generally feeling good about himself, when a nun suddenly appears at his table and starts decrying the evils of drink.
'You should be ashamed of yourself young man! Drinking is a Sin! Alcohol is the blood of the devil!'
Now John gets pretty annoyed about this, and goes...

Three old men were sitting on a bench in Florida when a reporter approached them. 'I wonder if you three would be willing to do an interview and tell us your secret to long life,' the reporter asked.
The three old men agreed.
The first old man was asked his secret to his long life.
'I never drank alcohol, I never smoked tobacco and I have been married to the same woman for...

A shy guy goes into a bar and sees a beautiful woman sitting at the bar. After an hour of gathering up his courage, he finally goes over to her and asks tentatively.
'Would you mind if I chatted with you for a while?'
To which she responds by yelling, at the top of her lungs, 'No...

A man is sitting at the bar in his local tavern, furiously imbibing shots of whiskey. One of his friends happens to come into the bar and sees him.
'Lou,' says the shocked friend, 'what are you doing? I`ve known you for over fifteen years, and I`ve never seen you take a drink before. What`s...

Tom and Brad have been promoted from privates to sergeants.
Not long after, they`re out for a walk and Tom says, 'Hey, Brad, there`s the Officer`s Club. Let`s you and me stop in.'
'But we`re privates,' protests Brad.'We`re sergeants now,' says Tom, pulling him inside. 'Now, Brad, I`m gonna...

After the Great Britain Beer Festival, in London, all the brewery presidents decided to go out for a beer. The guy from Corona sits down and says, 'Hey Señor, I would like the world`s best beer, a Corona.'
The bartender dusts off a bottle from the shelf and gives it to him. The guy from Budweiser says, 'I`d like the best...