Clean Jokes

Bob came home drunk one night, slid into bed beside his sleeping wife, and fell into a deep slumber. He awoke before the Pearly Gates, where St. Peter said...

A blonde hurried into the emergency room late one night with the tip of her index finger shot off.
'How did this happen?' the emergency room doctor asked her...

Three vampires went into a bar and sat down. The barmaid came over to take their orders, "And what would you, er, gentlemen like tonight...

There was a husband and his wife sitting next to a drunk in a bar.
Suddenly the drunk stands up and yells, "ATTENTION ALL" and farts loudly...

A man was walking down the street when he was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless man who asked him for...

A guy comes walking into a bar with a little turtle in his hand. The turtle's one eye is black and blue, two of his legs are bandaged and his whole shell...

A drunken man staggers in to a Catholic church and wanders over to the confessional box. He opens the door, sits down and says nothing. The bewildered priest waits for...

A Police Officer pulls over this guy who's been weaving in and out of the lanes.
He goes up to the guy's window and says, "Sir, I need you to blow into this breathalyzer...

A herd of buffalo can move only as fast as the slowest buffalo. When the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good...

Three vampires walk into a bar and sit down at a table.
The waitress comes over and asks the first vampire what he would like.
The first vampire responds...