Clean Jokes

Microsoft to sell Ad space in error messages
Microsoft announced that it is selling advertising space in the error messages that appear in Windows. Acknowledging for the first time that the average user of their operating system encounters error messages at least several times a day, Microsoft is trying to...

One of Microsoft's finest techs was drafted and sent to boot camp. At the rifle range, he was given some instruction, a rifle and bullets.
He fired several shots at the target. The report came from the target area that all attempts had completely missed the target.
The tech looked at his rifle, and then...

A helicopter was flying above Seattle when an electrical malfunction disabled all of the aircraft's electronic navigation and communications equipment. Due to the clouds and haze, the pilot could not determine the helicopter's position and course to steer to the airport.
The pilot saw a tall building...

Three engineers were in the bathroom standing at the urinals. The first engineer finished and walked over to the sink to wash his hands. He then proceeded to dry his hands very carefully. He used paper towel after paper towel and ensured that every single spot of water on his hands was dried.
Turning to the other two engineers, he said, `At Wipro, we are trained to...

There was a pilot flying a small single engine charter plane, with a couple of very important executives on board. He was coming into the Seattle airport through thick fog with less than 10 miles visibility when his instruments went out.
He began circling around looking for a landmark. Finally, a small opening in the fog appears and he...

A priest, a drunkard, and an engineer were all being led to the guillotine to be executed. They ask the priest if he wants to face upward or downward when he meets his fate.
The priest says that he would like to die face up, so that he will be looking toward heaven when he dies.
They raise the blade of the guillotine and release it. It comes speeding down and suddenly

An airline pilot with poor eyesight managed to pass his periodic vision exams by memorizing the eye charts beforehand.
One year, though, his doctor used a new chart that the pilot had never before seen. The pilot proceeded to recite the...

Five cannibals get appointed as programmers in an IT company. During the welcoming ceremony the boss says: 'You`re all part of ourteam now. You can earn good money here, and you can go to the companycanteen for something to eat. So don`t trouble the other...

The world`s first fully computerized airliner was ready for its maiden flight without pilots or crew.
The plane taxied to the loading area automatically, its doors opened automatically, the steps came out...

This is the transcript of the ACTUAL radio conversation of a US naval ship with Canadian authorities off the coast of Newfoundland in October 1995.Canadians: Please divert your course 15 degrees to the South...