Clean Jokes

Sam and John were out cutting wood, and John cut his arm off. Sam wrapped the arm in a plastic bag and took it and John to a surgeon. The surgeon said: 'You are in luck! I am an expert at reattaching limbs! Come back in four hours.' So Sam came back in four hours and...

While making rounds, a doctor shows an X ray to a group of interns.
'As you can see,' she says, 'the patient limps be-cause...

A man goes to his doctor for a complete checkup. He hasn`t been feeling well and wants to find out if he`s ill. After the checkup, the doctor comes out with the results of the examination.
'I`m afraid I have some bad news. You`re...

A transcript of the answering service installed at the Mental Health Institute
'Hello, and welcome to the Mental Health Hotline. If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.
If you have multiple...

Two psychiatrists were at a convention. As they conversed over a drink, one asked, 'What was your most difficult case?' The other replied, 'I had a patient who...

Wanting to lose weight, a woman placed a picture of a shapely, pinup model in her refrigerator to remind her of her goal. The reminder worked like a charm as the woman discovered that she had...

A professor is giving the first year medical students their first lecture on autopsies, and decides to give them a few basics before starting. 'You must be capable of two things to do an autopsy. The first thing is that you must have no sense of...

Morris the loudmouth mechanic was removing the cylinder heads from the motor of a car when he spotted the famous heart surgeon, Dr. Michael DeBakey, who was standing off to the side, waiting for...

A doctor warned an ageing telly star, 'I think you ought to stop taking sleeping pills every night, they`re...

A man goes to the doctor and complains that his wife can`t hear him. 'How bad is it?' the doctor asks. The husband said that he ha sno idea. Doctor told him to test her by standing 20 feet away from her and say something, if she doesn`t hear, get closer and...