Clean Jokes

As the old man lies dying in the bedroom, out in the parlor the family discusses funeral arrangements. Son Gary says, "We`ll make a real big thing out of it. We`ll have five hundred people. We`ll order fifty limos...

A mother enters her daughter`s bedroom and sees a letter over the bed. With the worst premonition, she reads it, with trembling hands: It is with great regret and sorrow that I`m telling you that I eloped with...

A blonde, a redhead and a brunette are having a holiday at the North Pole. The blonde`s weight is 110 pounds, the red`s is 130 pounds, the brunette`s is 150 pounds. One day, the three of them are having a trip...

A woman goes into a funeral home to make arrangements for her husband`s funeral. She tells the director that she wants her husband to be buried in a dark blue suit. He asks, "Wouldn`t it just be easier to bury him...

After shopping for most of the day, a couple returns to find their car has been stolen. They go to the police station to make a full report. Then, a detective drives them back to the parking lot to see if any evidence...

Sreedhar Uncle came out after casting his vote from the polling booth. He asked the polling agent, "Did my wife come to cast her vote ??"
The agent looked at the list and said, "Yes! She was here...

With all the new technology regarding fertility recently, a 65-year-old friend of mine was able to give birth. When she was discharged from the hospital and went home, I went to visit.
"May I see the new baby...

A Midwest farmer was describing his lifestyle to a touring group of city folks. "One of the benefits of this profession," he explained, "is that we have built-in weather predictions."
"What do you mean...

I decide to water my garden. As I turn on the hose in the driveway, I look over at my car and decide my car needs washing. As I start toward the garage, I notice that there is mail on the porch table that...

An American tourist was visiting a small village in Ireland when there was a sudden gust of wind which blew his hat off into the middle of a nearby pond. Walking over to the village idiot, who was sitting beside the pond...