Clean Jokes

A man is lost in the desert. He used up the last of his water three days ago and he`s lying, gasping, on the sand, when in the distance he suddenly hears a voice calling - `Mush! Mush!` Not trusting his ears he turns...

I was meeting a friend in a bar and as I went in, I noticed two pretty girls looking at me. "Nine," I heard one whisper as I passed.
Feeling pleased with myself, I swaggered over to my buddy and told him a girl...

A pensioner drove his brand new Mercedes to 100 mph, looking in his rearview mirror, he saw a police car behind him. He floored it to 140, then 150,... then 155,...

A woman received a call that her daughter was sick. She stopped by the pharmacy to get medication, got back...

A man was driving down the road when a policeman stopped him. The officer looked in the back of the man's truck and said, "Why are these penguins...

Two old friends, Paddy and Mick, went on a fishing trip together. Because neither were especially avid fishermen, they rented all their equipment. They rented the reels and rods, the wading suits...

As the old man lies dying in the bedroom, out in the parlor the family discusses funeral arrangements. Son Gary says, "We`ll make a real big thing out of it. We`ll have five hundred people. We`ll order fifty limos...

A mother enters her daughter`s bedroom and sees a letter over the bed. With the worst premonition, she reads it, with trembling hands: It is with great regret and sorrow that I`m telling you that I eloped with...

A blonde, a redhead and a brunette are having a holiday at the North Pole. The blonde`s weight is 110 pounds, the red`s is 130 pounds, the brunette`s is 150 pounds. One day, the three of them are having a trip...

A woman goes into a funeral home to make arrangements for her husband`s funeral. She tells the director that she wants her husband to be buried in a dark blue suit. He asks, "Wouldn`t it just be easier to bury him...