Clean Jokes

The newlywed wife said to her husband when he returned from work, "I have great news for you. Pretty soon, we're going to be three in this house instead of two...

Husband sent a text to wife at night, "Hi babe I will get late, please try and wash all my dirty clothes and make sure you prepare my favourite dish before I return...

Old Farmer Johnson was dying. The family was standing around his bed. With a low voice he said to his wife, "When I'm dead I want you to marry farmer Jones...

I ran into Jim at work yesterday. He had been out for a few days with the flu. I asked him how he was feeling.
"I'm better, thanks. You know, it was a wonderful experience...

A married couple had just crawled into bed on night when the phone started to ring.
The man got up to answer it, "How the hell should I know, that's a thousand miles...

Wife: You always carry my photo in your handbag to the office. Why?
Hubby: When there is a problem, no matter how impossible, I look at your picture and...

A man is sitting at the bar in his local tavern, furiously imbibing shots of whiskey. One of his friends happens to come into the bar and sees him.
"Lou," says the shocked friend...

My Dad and I were talking the other night about love and marriage.
He told me that he knew as early as their wedding what marriage to my Mom would be like...

The most perfect man in the world is her father.
The most abused husband in the world is her brother...

A little girl asked her mother, "How did the human race begin?"
The mother answered, "God made Adam and Eve and they had children, and so all mankind was made...