Clean Jokes

Stage 1: Sugar Dumpling, I`ve really been worried about my baby girl. That`s a bad sniffle, and there`s no telling about these things with all the strep that`s going around. I`m going to put you in the hospital for...

Sam called his wife and said to her in a weak voice, "Hey baby, I was driving to a coffee shop to meet Mary when all of a sudden, a stray dog came in the way. I tried to steer left to avoid running it down, but...

A eighteen year-old boy came home with a new Chevrolet Avalanche and his parents began to yell and scream, "Where did you get that truck???!!!"
He calmly told them, "I bought it today...

A nice, calm and respectable lady went into the pharmacy, right up to the pharmacist, looked straight into his eyes, and said, "I would like to buy some cyanide." The pharmacist asked, "Why in the world...

One day there was a priest sitting in a pew with a very worried and nervous look, and a another priest saw him and wondered what was wrong. The second priest thought he should try to help, so he approached...

The poor country pastor was livid when he confronted his wife with the receipt for a $250 dress she had bought. "How could you do this!" he exclaimed.
"I don`t know," she wailed...

A wife sends her programmer husband for grocery shopping. She tells him: I need butter, sugar and cooking oil. Also, get a loaf of bread and if they have eggs, get 6. The husband returns with the butter...

A woman with 14 children, ranging in age from one to fourteen, went to court to sue her husband for divorce on grounds of desertion. "When did he leave you?" the judge asked.
"Thirteen years ago...

A man left work one Friday afternoon. But, being payday, instead of going home, he stayed out the entire weekend, hunting with the boys and spending his entire paycheck. When he finally appeared at home...

March was when my son celebrated his 15th birthday and I got him an iPhone. He just loved it. Who wouldn`t? I celebrated my birthday in July and my wife made me very happy when she bought me an iPad...