Mature Jokes

A Catholic girl went to confession and said to the priest, "I'm pregnant."
He asked, "How did this happen, my child?"
She said, "I think it must be the second coming...

A blonde orders a beer. The bartender fills the mug and slides it down the bar. It hits the blonde's boobs and splashes all over them. The bartender goes over, retrieves the mug and licks the...

A husband and wife are campaigning for a friend who is contesting the local elections. They both become so busy that they do not think of anything else but about the elections, so much so, that...

An elderly golfer comes in after a good round of golf at the new course and heads straight to the bar/restaurant area of the club house. As he passes through the swinging doors...

A gay was driving his sports car around the corner, when an eighteen wheeler pulled out of the alley and directly in front of his way. The sports car plows into the truck and totally demolishes...

There were these three guys at the lake, a German, an Englishman and a Nigerian.
The German took out his dick, put it in the water, waited a while and told the others...

A husband walks into the bedroom holding two aspirin and a glass of water.
His wife asks: "What's that for...

A guy goes inside the confessional and says, "Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned."
"What did you do, my son?" asked the priest...

A man walks into a cocktail lounge and approaches a reasonably attractive lady sitting by herself, "May I buy you a cocktail...

This Doctor returns to his Clinic after a day off and asks his assistant Santa about his patients.
Santa: The first patient came with Headache. I gave him...