Mature Jokes

A lovely blonde had just had a complete physical after having missed two consecutive menstrual periods.
"Well, Mrs. Appleby," smiled her doctor...

John receives a phone call. "Hello," he answers.
The voice on the other end says, "This is Susan. We met at a party about 3 months ago...

The father was very anxious to marry off his only daughter so he wanted to impress her date.
"Do you like to screw...

A man was driving down a quiet country lane when out into the road strayed a rooster. Whack! The rooster disappeared under the car in a cloud of feathers...

A woman with really hairy underarms boards a crowded bus. Unable to find a seat, she settles for hanging onto one of the poles. A drunk man next to her stares at her...

A guy met this girl in a bar and asked, "May I buy you a drink?".
Looking back unimpressed at the man she replies, "Okay, but it won't do you any good...

A man walked into a restaurant and seated himself. Soon, the waitress came over to take his order.
"..and to drink?" she asked...

In biology class the teacher asks, "Can anyone tell me why a flounder is flat?" Little Johnny raises his hand.
"Go ahead, Little Johnny...

Knew a girl at work once who was truly concerned about her husband's smoking. She told me that she had finally gotten him to agree to limit his smoking at home to only...

Students were asked to name one medicine and its use.
1st student: Anacin, it's use for headaches....