Politics:
(n.) Poli (Many)+Tics (Bloodsucking Creatures) = Many Bloodsucking Creatures
Santa: You should learn to embrace your mistakes.
Jeeto: Fine, give me a hug!
Wife: I have a bag full of used clothing I'd like to donate.
Husband: Why not just throw it in the trash? That's much easier.
Wife: But there are poor starving people who can really use all these clothes.
Husband: Honey, anyone who fits into your clothing is not starving!
My bed and I have a special relationship. We're perfect for each other, but my alarm clock keeps trying to break us up!
Sometimes the smallest step in the right direction ends up being the biggest step of your life.
Good Morning and Have a Great Week!
Monday is like a math problem. Add the irritation, subtract the sleep, multiply the problems, and divide the happiness!
Husband: Let's go out and have some fun tonight.
Wife: Okay, but if you get home before I do, leave the hallway light on!
My fitness instructor wants me to touch my toes.
But I don't have that kind of relationship with my feet!
Doctor: What do you do when you feel stressed?
Boy: I go to the temple.
Doctor: Good! And do you do meditation there?
Boy: No, I just mix up all the shoes kept inside and watch people feeling more stressed than me!
Son: Dad, what happens when you die?
Dad: You go to heaven.
Son: No, I mean when YOU die. Will I get your stuff?