I just opened my electricity bill and water bill at the same time.
I was shocked.
People tell me I'm skeptical...
but I don't believe them.
I'm just intelligent enough to know that I’m not really that intelligent.
Chicken might be the only animal where Googling it often shows pictures of it cooked instead of alive.
Credit card offers are like marriage proposals...
Sounds sweet at first, but you’re stuck paying for years!
What do you call a Chinese guy who hurt his leg?
Lim Ping
Wednesday is like the middle child of the week -- ignored and underappreciated!
There comes a point where a person goes from "old enough to know better" to "too old to know better."
Stayed up all night trying to remember if I have amnesia or insomnia.
Some people have a guardian angel. Mine just watches like it’s a reality show
