Not to brag about my finances or anything, but...
My credit card company calls me almost everyday to tell me that my balance is outstanding!
My office chair is like my best friend:
Always supporting me even when I do nothing!
At a job interview I was asked to describe myself in one word.
I said: Laxative because I make shit happen.
What do you call a tea that tastes sometimes like tea and sometimes like coffee ?
Uncertainty!!!
My ex-girlfriend just called me to say she wants us to get back together again.
Man am I a lucky guy ? I mean, first I win the lottery and now this. !!
Women always called me ugly until they learned how much money I have.
After that, they called me ugly and poor.
Hear about the new restaurant called Karma?
There's no menu: You get what you deserve.
All of my childhood punishments have become my adult goals:
Eating vegetables, Staying home, Taking a nap, Going to bed early!
Research shows that laughing for 2 minutes is just as healthy as a 20-minute jog.
So, now I'm sitting in the park laughing at all the joggers!
What's the worst thing about having a job at the unemployment office?
If you get fired, you still have to show up the next day!
