Soreness - the most satisfying pain!
Person 1: I can draw really well!
Person 2: I can sing really well!
Me: I can eat and drink really well!
The hardest part of my diet is watching my friends eat!
I wish I had a pair of skinny genes!
20 years ago we had Johnny Cash,
Bob Hope and Steve Jobs.
Now we have no cash, no hope and no jobs.
Please don't let Kevin 'Bacon' die!
Just wondering why brain cells die, skin cells die, your hair follicle die, but fat cells live FOREVER?
Me: Why am I still single?
Brain: You're weird as shit.
Body: And you're fat.
Face: Plus you're ugly.
Food: But I'm here for you!
I have finally realised that only way to lose weight with green tea is if you go to the mountain and pick it yourself!
I'm not fat. I'm just so sexy, it overflows!
Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in the hospital, dying of nothing!