My wife and I had this long pointless argument as to which vowel is the most important. I won!
My suicide note will just be a screenshot of my wife's message saying `We need to talk"!
Before getting married, men should pierce their ears. That will give them a hint about what's going to happen after the marriage: 1. They will be in pain 2. They need to buy jewelry
I need to buy my wife a GPS. She always complains that she doesn't know where we're going in our life!
Before our marriage, my wife said all she wanted me to be was a true lover, a trusted friend & a loving father. But she never told me that she also wanted me to be an electrician, plumber, cleaner, babysitter, launderer, sweeper, mechanic, driver & cook. IT WAS A SCAM!
Marriage counselor: Your partner allows you to make independent decisions? I look at the wife. Wife nods. Me: Yes, of course!
Men are from Mars and women are from a place where they complain about the way in which everything is done on Mars!
Married women are so prone to taunting, even if they don't intend to. They don't mean it sometimes, it just occurs spontaneously!
Told my wife to fight her demons and she took a swing at me!
Marriage is a wonderful institution where a simple sigh can turn into an argument of catastrophic proportion!