Husband: Tum Mujhe 'Aap' Keh Kar Bulaya Karo.
Wife: Shut Aap!
Very effective threat by wife in a new style:
The amount of time you'll spend on Facebook, Whatsapp and Twitter...
The equal amount of time I'll spend on Flipkart, Amazon and Snapdeal!
Husband went offline immediately!
I read a book on marriage and it said, "You should treat your wife as you treated her on your 1st date".
So I took her to dinner at a restaurant and then I dropped her at her parents' house!
The symptoms of EBOLA are:
Sweating, weakness, diarrhea and stomach pain.
A kind of feeling that a husband gets when he sees his wife going through his phone!
Most people don't truly appreciate being single until they've been married!
People don't get married anymore, they just update their privacy policy!
Husband came home from the pub 4 hours late.
Wife: Where the hell have you been?
Husband: I've been playing poker with some blokes.
Wife: Playing poker? Well, you can pack your bags and go!
Husband: So can you, this isn't our house anymore!
Alimony:
A severance package for those who thought marriage was a good career choice!
A body at rest will continue to be at rest... until your wife notices and finds some work for him!
I accompanied my wife when she went to get a haircut.
Reading a magazine, I found a hairstyle I liked for myself. I asked the receptionist if I could take the magazine next door to make a copy of the photo. "Leave some ID, a driver's license or a credit card," she said.
"But my wife is here getting a haircut," I explained.
"Yes," she replied. "But I need something you'll come back for"!
