Clean Jokes

Dedicated to the Connoisseurs of Puns

How does an attorney sleep?
First he lies on one side, then he lies on the other side.

I have a few jokes about unemployed people....
but none of them work.

How do you make holy water?
You take some water & boil the hell out of it.

Will glass coffins be a success?
Remains to be seen.

Two windmills are standing in a wind farm.
One asks, "What's your favorite kind of music?"
The other says, "I'm a big metal fan."

Heard about the new restaurant called Karma?
There's no menu, you get what you deserve.

I went to buy some camouflage trousers yesterday...
but couldn't find any.

What do you call a bee that can't quite make up its mind?
A maybe.

I tried to sue the airline for losing my luggage.
I lost my case.

If and when everything is coming your way.....
you're in the wrong lane.

She had a photographic memory...
but never developed it.

Is it ignorance or apathy that's destroying the world today?
I don't know and don't really care.

I wasn't originally going to get a brain transplant.....
but then I changed my mind.

Which country's capital has the fastest-growing population?
Ireland, of course, it's Dublin everyday.

My ex-wife still misses me....
but her aim is starting to improve.

The guy who invented the door knocker got a.....
No-bell prize.

I saw an ad for burial plots, and I thought....
"that's the last thing I need !"

Need an ark???
I Noah guy.

I used to be indecisive.....
Now I'm not so sure.

Sleeping comes so naturally to me that......
I can do it with my eyes closed.

What did the grape say when it got stepped on?
Nothing. But, it let out a little whine.

What do you call a very articulate dinosaur with a good vocabulary?
A Thesaurus.

Last, but not least,
What happens when you boil a funny bone?
You get a laughing stock.