The Wife Has It All Sorted
A husband and wife are sitting on the couch when the husband looks over and says, "Honey, if I died, would you get remarried?"
The wife thinks about it and says, "Well, we have a beautiful house, and I don't want to be alone, so... yes, I probably would."
The husband looks a bit hurt. "Would you let him live in our house?"
"It’s a great house, and it's paid off, so yes, we'd live here."
"Would he sleep in our bed?"
"It’s a brand-new mattress, so yes, he probably would."
"Would he use my golf clubs?"
"Oh, absolutely not," the wife snaps. "He's left-handed."
Going Up, Letting Down
I took an elevator up to the 69th floor for a meeting and as I was getting out, the operator said, "Have a good day, son."
I grumbled, "Don't call me son. You're not my dad."
He scratched his head...
First Day With The Hook
A pirate walked into a bar and the bartender said, "Hey, I haven't seen you in a while. What happened? You look terrible."
"What do you mean?" said the pirate, "I feel fine...
Expensive Persian Rugs
A sophisticated, well-dressed woman walks into a shop that sells very expensive Persian rugs. She looks around, spots a beautiful rug, and walks over to inspect it...
Humorous Life Insights
Murphy's First Law for Wives: If you ask your husband to pick up five items at the store and then you add one more as an afterthought, he will...
Winking and Stammering Problem
A man goes in for an interview for a job as a TV news broadcaster. The interview goes quite well, but he keeps winking and stammering. The interviewer says...
The Pope and Donald Trump
The Pope and Donald Trump are standing on the balcony in the Vatican in front of a huge crowd. The Pope leans toward Trump and says, "Did you know that...
True Corporate Meanings of ASAP
In corporate settings, 'ASAP' is frequently used to imply urgent, high-priority tasks. However, its true, often humorous, corporate meanings include...
A Million Dollar Golden Lighter
An Arab gentleman is sitting in a millionaire's restaurant in Dubai having lunch when a disheveled homeless man walks in and sits down next to him. The man says, old man? A million dollars? That lighter isn't even worth one dollar...
Unexpected Call From A Crush!
After many years her phone call came around 11:30 PM... very sweet voice, "How are you?"
I replied, "I'm good!"
She said, "Not sleeping yet?"
I answered, "No, not yet...
Door-To-Door Bible Salesman
My brother Darren, grew up with a terrible stutter. After highschool he was looking for a job when he spotted an ad for a door-to-door Bible salesman...