Clean Jokes

A blind man was describing his favorite sport, parachuting. When asked how this was accomplished, he said that things were all done for him, "I am placed in the door with my seeing eye dog and told when to jump...

Abe was well known for his cheapness and his `eye for a bargain`. One day he was looking for a cheap wedding present for his niece, so he went into a thrift shop. As he was walking around, he noticed what was previously...

A man is lost in the desert. He used up the last of his water three days ago and he`s lying, gasping, on the sand, when in the distance he suddenly hears a voice calling - `Mush! Mush!` Not trusting his ears he turns...

I was meeting a friend in a bar and as I went in, I noticed two pretty girls looking at me. "Nine," I heard one whisper as I passed.
Feeling pleased with myself, I swaggered over to my buddy and told him a girl...

A Swiss guy, looking for directions, pulls up at a bus stop where two Englishmen are waiting. "Entschuldigung, koennen Sie Deutsch sprechen?" he says. The two Englishmen...

A pensioner drove his brand new Mercedes to 100 mph, looking in his rearview mirror, he saw a police car behind him. He floored it to 140, then 150,... then 155,...

A woman received a call that her daughter was sick. She stopped by the pharmacy to get medication, got back...

A man was driving down the road when a policeman stopped him. The officer looked in the back of the man's truck and said, "Why are these penguins...

A kangaroo at the Sydney zoo kept getting out of his enclosure every night. Knowing that mature kangaroos could hop very high, the zoo officials replaced the eight-foot fence with a ten-foot fence....

Four old men went into the pro shop after playing 18 holes of golf. The pro asked, "Did you guys have a good game today?"
The first old guy said, "Yes, I had three riders...