Clean Jokes

A man is lost in the desert. He used up the last of his water three days ago and he`s lying, gasping, on the sand, when in the distance he suddenly hears a voice calling - `Mush! Mush!` Not trusting his ears he turns...

I was meeting a friend in a bar and as I went in, I noticed two pretty girls looking at me. "Nine," I heard one whisper as I passed.
Feeling pleased with myself, I swaggered over to my buddy and told him a girl...

A Swiss guy, looking for directions, pulls up at a bus stop where two Englishmen are waiting. "Entschuldigung, koennen Sie Deutsch sprechen?" he says. The two Englishmen...

A pensioner drove his brand new Mercedes to 100 mph, looking in his rearview mirror, he saw a police car behind him. He floored it to 140, then 150,... then 155,...

A woman received a call that her daughter was sick. She stopped by the pharmacy to get medication, got back...

A man was driving down the road when a policeman stopped him. The officer looked in the back of the man's truck and said, "Why are these penguins...

A kangaroo at the Sydney zoo kept getting out of his enclosure every night. Knowing that mature kangaroos could hop very high, the zoo officials replaced the eight-foot fence with a ten-foot fence....

Four old men went into the pro shop after playing 18 holes of golf. The pro asked, "Did you guys have a good game today?"
The first old guy said, "Yes, I had three riders...

Two old friends, Paddy and Mick, went on a fishing trip together. Because neither were especially avid fishermen, they rented all their equipment. They rented the reels and rods, the wading suits...

Michelle was a very bad driver. After an unfortunate mishap in a parking garage, she took her vehicle to an auto mechanic. Seeing that the young woman was quite blonde, the mechanic decided to have a little fun...