TEACHER: John is climbing a tree to pick some mangoes. Begin the sentence with Mangoes.
Student : Mangoes, John is coming to pick you.
Definitely Not Easy to be a Teacher !!!!!
TEACHER: What do you call mosquitoes in your language?
Student: We don't call them, they come on their own.
TEACHER: How can we keep our school clean?
Student: By staying at home.
In English Grammar class: Teacher: What's the difference between "He cleans the plate" and "the plate is cleaned by him."
Student: In first sentence 'HE' is not married, but in second sentence 'He' is married....
Teacher asks a student: Please Translate the following sentence in Hindi.
There was a fine line between Amitabh and Jaya.
Student translates in Hindi: Amitabh Aur Jaya Ke Beech Ek Mast Rekha Thi.
A young boy watches his dad help birth a calf.A man was helping one of his cows give birth when he noticed his 4-year-old son standing wide-eyed at the fence, soaking in the whole event.
The man thought, "Great, he's 4 and I'm gonna have to start explaining the birds and bees. No need to jump the gun, I'll just let him ask, and I'll answer."
After everything was over, the man walked over to his son and said, "Well son, do you have any questions?"
"Just one," gasped the still wide-eyed lad. "How fast was that calf going when he hit that cow?"
A four year old little boy was at the doctor's office with his mother in the waiting room when he spotted a pregnant lady on the other side of the room.
Having nothing better to do, he walk over to her and inquisitively asks "Why is your stomach so big?"
She replied, "I'm having a baby."
With big eyes, he replied, "Is the baby in your stomach?"
She said, "He sure is."
Then the little boy, with a puzzled look on his face, asked yet another question, "Is it a good baby?"
She said, "Oh, yes. It's a real good baby."
At this point the woman is thinking the little boy is incredibly cute and looks forward to what he has to say next...
And, much to her surprise, with an even more surprised and shocked look than before, he asks,"Then why did you eat him."
A class had been studying destruction of the rain forest and was talking about ways they could help protect the planet.
One boy was particularly proud of his contribution. He announced, "I got at least seven kids to stop using paper towels in the bathroom at school!"
The teacher congratulated him, and asked how he had accomplished such a feat.
"Simple! I just taught them all to wipe their hands on their shirts like I do!"
Tim is having a bit of trouble seeing things at a distance so he goes into an opticians for an eye test.
The optician asks him to cover his right eye with his left hand and read the letters on the card. Now Tim has always had difficulty telling right from left so the optician says not to worry and to cover his left eye with his left hand and then read the letters on the card but still Tim has problems.
The optician, being a helpful chap, has a brilliant idea and taking a cardboard box, cuts out two small square holes and puts it over Tim's head with the words, "There, now cover up one of the holes and read the letters on the card through the other hole."
Tim however bursts into tears and the optician becomes very concerned, takes the box off his head and asks why he's crying.
Tim replies, "I wanted a metal frame like me brother's got."
Our teacher asked what my favourite animal was, and I said, "Fried chicken."
She said I wasn't funny, but she couldn't have been right, because everyone else laughed. My parents told me to always tell the truth. I did. Fried chicken is my favorite animal.
I told my dad what happened, and he said my teacher was probably a member of PETA. He said they love animals very much.
I do, too. Especially chicken, pork and beef. Anyway, my teacher sent me to the principal's office. I told him what happened, and he laughed, too. Then he told me not to do it again.
The next day in class my teacher asked me what my favourite live animal was. I told her it was chicken.
She asked me why, so I told her it was because you could make them into fried chicken.
She sent me back to the principal's office. He laughed, and told me not to do it again.
I don't understand. My parents taught me to be honest, but my teacher doesn't like it when I am.
Today, my teacher asked me to tell her what famous person I admired most. I told her, "Colonel Sanders, the Founder of KFC"
Guess where the f*** I am now..
The new librarian decided that instead of checking out children's books by writing the names of borrowers on the book cards herself, she would have the youngsters sign their own names. She would then tell them they were signing a "Contract" for returning the books on time.
Her first customer was a second grader, who looked surprised to see a new librarian. He brought four books to the desk and shoved them across to the librarian, giving her his name as he did so.
The librarian pushed the books back and told him to sign them out.
The boy laboriously printed his name on each book card and then handed them to her with a look of utter disgust.
Before the librarian could even start her speech he said, scornfully, "That other librarian we had could write."
A guy was packing for a business trip and his five year old daughter was having a wonderful time playing on the bed helping her Daddy pack for his big trip.
At one point she giggled and said, "Daddy, Daddy...Look at this," and stuck out two of her little fingers.
Trying to keep her entertained and enjoying her playful mood, he reached out and stuck her tiny fingers in his mouth and said, "Daddy's gonna eat your fingers, nom nom nom" pretending to eat them and then went back to packing for his trip.
He couldn't help but notice how quiet she had become and looked up to see his is daughter standing on the bed staring at her fingers with a devastated and bewildered look on her face.
He looked at her and said, "What's wrong, honey? Daddy was just playing. I would never really eat your fingers!" and let out a little giggle.
She replied, "I know you were just playing Daddy but what happened to my boogie?"
As answered by elementary school students:
Q: How Do You Decide Who To Marry?
You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like, if you like sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep the chips and dip coming.
Alan, age 10
No person really decides before they grow up who they're going to marry. God decides it all way before, and you get to find out later who you're stuck with.
Kirsten, age 10
Q: What is the Right Age To Get Married?
Twenty-three is the best age because you know the person FOREVER by then.
Camille, age 10
No age is good to get married at. You got to be a fool to get married.
Freddie, age 6
Q: How Can A Stranger Tell If Two People Are Married?
You might have to guess, based on whether they seem to be yelling at the same kids.
Derrick, age 8
Q: What Do Your Think Your Mom and Dad Have In Common?
Both don't want any more kids.
Lori, age 8
Q: What Do Most People Do On A Date?
Dates are for having fun, and people should use them to get to know each other. Even boys have something to say if you listen long enough.
Lynnette, age 8
On the first date, they just tell each other lies, and that usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date.
Martin, age 10
Q: What Would You Do On A First Date That Was Turning Sour?
I'd run home and play dead. The next day I would call all the newspapers and make sure they wrote about me in all the dead columns.
Craig, age 9
Q: When Is It Okay To Kiss Someone?
When they're rich.
Pam, age 7
The law says you have to be eighteen, so I wouldn't want to mess with that.
Curt, age 7
The rule goes like this: If you kiss someone, then you should marry them & have kids with them. It's the right thing to do.
Howard, age 8
Q: Is It Better To Be Single or Married?
It's better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need someone to clean up after them.
Anita, age 9
Q: How Would The World Be Different If People Didn't Get Married?
There sure would be a lot of kids to explain, wouldn't there?
Kelvin, age 8
Q: How Would You Make a Marriage Work?
Tell your wife that she looks pretty even if she looks like a truck.
Ricky, age 10
There was once a small boy who banged a drum all day and loved every moment of it. He would not be quiet, no matter what anyone else said or did. Various attempts were made to do something about the child.
One person told the boy that he would, if he continued to make so much noise, perforate his eardrums. This reasoning was too advanced for the child, who was neither a scientist nor a scholar.
A second person told him that drum beating was a sacred activity and should be carried out only on special occasions. The third person offered the neighbors plugs for their ears; a fourth gave the boy a book; a fifth gave the neighbors books that described a method of controlling anger through biofeedback; a sixth person gave the boy meditation exercises to make him placid and docile. None of these attempts worked.
Eventually, a wise person came along with an effective motivation. He looked at the situation, handed the child a hammer and chisel, and asked, "I wonder what's inside the drum?"