Clean Jokes

Q: Doctor, I`ve heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true?
A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that`s it... don`t waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually.

On a busy Med/Surg floor the doctor stops the nurse to brief her on a patient`s condition. "This patient is a fellow physician and my favorite golf partner. His injury is serious and I fear he will not be able to play...

A victim of chronic bronchitis called on a well-known physician to be examined. The doctor, after careful questioning, assured the patient that the ailment would respond readily to treatment...

A well-respected surgeon was relaxing on his sofa one evening just after arriving home from work. As he was tuning into the evening news, the phone rang. The doctor calmly answered it and heard the familiar voice...

Jethro walks all the way into town to get a physical. The doctor hands him a specimen cup and says, "I need a urine sample."
Jethro goes into the bathroom, but can`t pee. He comes back out and says...

Wilford went to the doctor for constipation. He explained to the doc that it had several days since he had a bowel movement and it was getting rather painful. After examining Wilford the doctor said...

Margie received a bill from the hospital for her recent surgery, and was astonished to see a $1200 fee for the anesthesiologist. She called his office to demand an explanation. "Is this some kind of...

I recently picked a new primary care physician. After two visits and exhaustive lab tests, he said I was doing "fairly well for my age".
A little concerned about that comment, I couldn`t resist asking him...

Lady patient to the Doctor inside his examination room: Doctor can you please call my husband inside, I am not feeling comfortable.
Doctor: Trust me lady, I am...

Yesterday I was talking to my doctor and after knowing my occupation he advised: You must exercise more. Don`t buy cold drinks from stalls. Drink more plain water. Don`t drive when going out...