Clean Jokes


Winter Earmuffs

Winters are fierce in northern Scotland, so the owner of the estate felt he was doing a good deed when he bought a pair of earmuffs for his foreman. One cold, blustery day, he noticed that the foreman wasn`t wearing...

Avoiding Mid-Air Collision

The attractive wife told her husband she was going on vacation with a girlfriend. She spent a wild, wonderful week with her fabulously wealthy lover, who, at the end of the week gave her a beautiful $10,000 mink coat...

Heavenly Voice

A man walks along a lonely beach. Suddenly he hears a deep voice: DIG! He looks around: nobody`s there. "I am having hallucinations," he thinks. Then he hears the voice again: I SAID, DIG ! So he starts to dig...

An Overweight Blonde

A blonde is overweight, so her doctor puts her on a diet. "I want you to eat regularly for two days, then skip a day, and repeat the procedure for two weeks. The next time I see you, you`ll have lost at least five...

Magnificent Niagara

I recently had a visitor from the state of Texas. For three days all I heard from him was... `In Texas we have the best this, the largest that, the fastest that... etc.` It eventually became very annoying...

Intelligent and Smart

Larry, a computer programmer for a consulting group, had designed some software for a large account. He asked John`s help in putting it into operation. At first, Larry handled most of the work. Eventually, though...

Empty Boxes Problem

A toothpaste factory had a problem: they sometimes shipped empty boxes, without the tube inside. This was due to the way the production line was set up, and people with experience in designing production lines...

Helicopter Crash

A helicopter carrying passengers suddenly looses engine power and the aircraft begins to decent. The pilot safely performs an emergency landing in water, and tells the passengers to remain seated...

Helpful Neighbor

A man is in court. The Judges says, "on the 3rd August you are accused of killing your wife by beating her to death with a hammer, how do you plead?"
"Guilty," said the man in the dock...

Drunk Driving

Late one Friday night, a policeman spotted a man driving very erratically through the streets. He pulled the man over and asked him if he had been drinking that evening. "Yes, I have. It`s Friday...