Clean Jokes

This morning I was sitting on a park bench next to a homeless man. I started a conversation by asking him how he ended up this way. He said, "Up until last week, I still had it all. I had plenty to eat...

Morris realized he needed to purchase a hearing aid, but he felt unwilling to spend much money. "How much do they cost?" he asked the salesperson.
"That depends," he said. "They run from...

Somehow a dog gets lost in an African Jungle. As he is finding his way a lion spots him. The lion thinks since the dog...

A Chinese man boarded a flight to Chicago and promptly sat down on the first seat he encountered. He was soon told that seat was reserved for flight attendants. With his limited English he did not fully understand...

On a visit to my wife`s native England for our honeymoon, we arrived at London`s Gatwick Airport. Tania headed for the British-passport control line while I, an American, waited in the foreigners...

An old lady had always wanted to travel abroad. Now that she was getting on in years, she thought she would really like to do so before she died. Until then, she`d never even been out of the country. So she began by...

The chief of staff of the US Air Force decided that he would personally intervene in the recruiting crisis affecting all of our armed services. He directed a nearby Air Force base that will be opened and...

A blonde heard that baths in milk would make her beautiful. She left a note for her milkman to leave 25 gallons of milk. When the milkman read the note, he felt there must be a mistake. He thought she probably meant...

Woman1: Oh! You got a haircut! That`s so cute!
Woman2: Do you think so? I wasn`t sure when she gave me the mirror. I mean, you don`t think it`s too fluffy looking?
Woman1: Oh God no! No, it`s...

Seamus is having a bit of trouble seeing things at a distance so he goes into an opticians for an eye test. The optician asks him to cover his right eye with his left hand and read the letters on the card...