Clean Jokes

An old man visits his doctor and after thorough examination the doctor tells him: "I have good news and bad news, what would you like to hear first?"
Patient: Well, give me the bad news first...

The lady was embarrassed and apologetic to the priest after church service was over, "Reverend, I hope you didn`t take it personally, when my husband bluntly walked out of the room during your sermon...

Ek Ameer Aurat Apni Kuch Problems Ke Chalte Ek Baba Ji Ke Paas Pahunchi Aur Unko Apni Problems Batayi. Baba Ji Ne Us Aurat Ki Saari Problems Ko Bade Hi Dhyaan Se Suna Aur Phir Bole: Beta, Chinta Karne Ki...

A beautiful young Goan woman was so depressed that she decided to end her life by throwing herself into the ocean. But just before she could throw herself from the docks, a handsome young man stopped her, "You have so much to live...

On the first day of school, the children brought gifts for their teacher. The supermarket manager`s daughter brought the teacher a basket of assorted fruit. The florist`s son brought the teacher a bouquet of flowers...

Annie, 6 years old, gets home from school. She had her first family planning lesson at school. Her mother, very interested, asks, How did it go?"
"I nearly died of shame!" She answers...

Vishwanathan Anand always gets tense, when the waiter brings in the folder and says `Check!`
Friends pay restaurant bills on a de-tu-de basis.
My watch is stuck between 2 and 2.30. It`s a do or dhai situation...

Things that are downright impossible to say when drunk: No thanks, I`m married.
Nope, no more booze for me!
Sorry, but you `re not really my type...

I called my Arab friend home for a traditional `Onam Sadya` (traditional lunch). The Arab friend asked me: Is the Onam lunch Veg or Non veg?
I told him: It`s Vegetarian. Are you coming...

When I reached office, I got a call from my wife. "What is the date today?" She said. I was wondering... then told her 14th September... call disconnected.
I was wondering... her birthday? No... Mine?? No...