Clean Jokes

HOW DO YOU DECIDE WHO TO MARRY?
You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like, if you like sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep the chips and dip coming...

It seems that a young man volunteered for Navy service during World War II. He had such a high aptitude for aviation that he was sent right to Pensacola, skipping boot camp. The very first day at Pensacola, he soloed and...

Bob was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was really pissed. She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE...

A poor vagabond, traveling a country road in England, tired and hungry, came to a roadside Inn with a sign reading: `GEORGE AND THE DRAGON`. He knocked. The Innkeeper`s wife stuck her head out a window...

Thank you, but I won`t make any attempt to dance. I have no coordination and would hate to look like a real Fool!
Oh no, I must be going home now as I have to work in the morning...

1. Every Indian bachelor wants to marry a fair girl.
2. We spend more time talking to guests at the door when they are leaving than while sitting in the living room...

Prior to taking retirement and selling off his land, a farmer needed to get rid of all the animals he owned, so he decided to call on every house in his village. At houses where the man was the boss, he gave a horse...

Two men walking their dogs met outside a bar. After chatting a while, one suggested they go inside for a drink. The man with the Chihuahua said, "Good idea, but the sign says `No Dogs`." The man with the golden retriever...

A monkey is sitting in a tree, smoking a joint. The lizard looks up and says, "Hey! What`s up?"
The monkey says, "Smoking a joint, come... join me...

A plane made an emergency landing on water. The stewardess asked the passengers to slide down to the lifeboats, but the passengers refused. The stewardess then asked the captain to help. The captain...