Clean Jokes

Morris realized he needed to purchase a hearing aid, but he felt unwilling to spend much money. "How much do they cost?" he asked the salesperson.
"That depends," he said....

A guy is standing on the corner of the street smoking one cigarette after another. A lady walking by notices him and says, "Hey, don`t you know that those things can kill you? I mean, didn`t you see the giant warning...

I mowed the lawn today, and after doing so I sat down and had a cold beer. The day was really quite beautiful, and the drink facilitated some deep thinking. My wife walked by and asked me what I was doing...

Outside England`s Bristol Zoo there is a parking lot for 150 cars and 8 buses. For 25 years, its parking fees were managed by a very pleasant attendant... The fees for cars ($1.40), for buses (about $7)...

The couple entered the resort`s swanky dining room. "I`m sorry," apologized the Maitre d, "but there are no tables available."
"One moment, my friend," said the man, drawing himself up...

An Engineer and his wife were always fighting with each other. When they had a confrontation, screaming and yelling could be heard deep into the night. The woman would shout, "When I die...

A man dies and goes to hell. Once there, he finds that there is a different hell for each country, so he tries to seek out the least painful one. At the door to German Hell, he is told: "First they put you...

A South Indian and his six year old son went to the Zoo.

At the Elephant`s section, there was a sign put up, "Feed the elephant a bun to get your age." The little boy gives a bun to the elephant...

A young Army private seeks permission from his commanding officer to leave camp the following weekend. "You see," he explains, "my wife`s expecting."
"I understand," the officer tells him. "You go, and tell your wife