I finally was able to open my shoe store for only large-sized shoes.
Let me tell you, it was no small feet!
You know that burning sensation in your throat when you drink whiskey?
That's just your soul healing!
A therapist set a half glass of whiskey in front of a patient and asked him if he was an optimist or a pessimist.
The patient drank it and answered, "Neither. I am a problem solver!"
What's the difference between a literalist and a kleptomaniac?
A literalist takes things literally.
A kleptomaniac takes things, literally!
What's the one vegetable you should never bring on a ship with you?
A leek!
1998: Don't get in the car with strangers.
2008: Don't meet people from the internet alone.
2021: Share a car ride with random people!
You know Bruce Lee was fast, but he had an even faster brother...
Sudden Lee!
Did you hear the joke about the roof?
Never mind, it's over your head!
Why are teddy bears never hungry?
They're always stuffed!
I don't understand why banks get upset when a person can't repay a loan.
You already know that the person had no money when he came to borrow it!