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It's been months since I bought the book, "How to scam people online."
It still hasn't arrived yet!

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I met my wife on Tinder.
That was awkward. Her profile says, "Single"!

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Difference between school and life: School teaches you lessons, and then gives you a test. Life gives you a test, and you learn the lessons!

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Afghanistan has banned Chess, calling it a dangerous game. Reasons are:
1. Queen doesn't wear a burkha.
2. Queen roams freely wherever she wants to.
3. Queen is more powerful than the King.
4. Queen goes alone to opponent's territory.
5. And... most importantly, there's only ONE Queen!

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Doctor, doctor... All five of my boys want to be valets when they grow up!
Doctor: Sounds like a really bad case of parking sons disease!

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I finally was able to open my shoe store for only large-sized shoes.
Let me tell you, it was no small feet!

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You know that burning sensation in your throat when you drink whiskey?
That's just your soul healing!

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A therapist set a half glass of whiskey in front of a patient and asked him if he was an optimist or a pessimist.
The patient drank it and answered, "Neither. I am a problem solver!"

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What's the difference between a literalist and a kleptomaniac?
A literalist takes things literally.
A kleptomaniac takes things, literally!

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What's the one vegetable you should never bring on a ship with you?
A leek!

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