Sex is like air - it's not important unless you aren't getting any!
I wonder if receptionists at sperm banks ever say "Thanks for coming"!
Men are like chocolate bars - sweet, smooth, and they usually go straight to your hips!
Do one nice thing for someone today.
Leave them the F*** alone!
Why do 'balls' equate to toughness and 'pussy' equates to weakness when even the slightest flick to the nuts sends a guy to his knees and vaginas can push out an entire human being?
When a male Octopus finds a mate, he rips off his penis and throws it at the female so she can inseminate herself. Then the male grows a new penis.
If that isn't the most epic way to tell someone "Go fuck yourself" I don't know what is!
Masturbation is like procrastination, it's all good and fun until you realize you are only fucking yourself!
A man's shirt on the naked female body is like a flag on a conquered fortress!
If Hilary Clinton wins in 2016, it will be the first time that two presidents have had sex with each other.
'Luck' and 'Fuck' are directly proportional to each other.
When 'Luck' favours, you can 'Fuck' the whole world;
But when 'Luck' fails, the whole world begins to 'Fuck' You!