What do you call a sleeping bull?
A bulldozer!
Why was the computer so tired when it got home?
Because it had a hard drive!
When someone rings the doorbell, why do dogs always assume it's for them?
Why do you have to "put your two cents in"... But it's only a "penny for your thoughts"? Where's that extra penny going to?
What do you call sad coffee?
Despresso!
What do you call a paleontologist who sleeps all the time?
A: Lazy bones!
What kind of robbery is least dangerous?
A safe robbery!
A hungry traveller stops at a monastery and is taken to the kitchens. A brother is frying chips.
"Are you the friar", he asks.
"No. I'm the chip monk", he replies.
Soldier: The bullet struck my head and went careening into space.
Friend: You're being candid about it, anyway!
Sea Captain: There is no hope! The ship is doomed! In an hour we will all be dead!
Seasick Passenger: Thank God!
