Today I learned that the average person consumes 9 alcoholic drinks in a week.
Today I also learned that I am above average!
You know when Donkey followed Shrek home and just kept talking?
That's what it's like having kids!
The word queue is ironic.
It's just a 'q' with a bunch of silent letters waiting in a line!
School and College reunions are scams. Nobody misses you.
They just want to know if you have made it in life or not!
A Narcissist's Prayer:
That didn't happen.
And if it did, it wasn't that bad.
And if it was, that's not a big deal.
And if it is, that's not my fault.
And if it was, I didn't mean it.
And if I did, You deserved it!
What do pigs use in the shower?
Hogwash!
Dear Vegetarians,
If you want to save animals then why are you eating their food?
What happens if a politician drowns in a river?
That is pollution....
What happens if all of them drown?
That is a solution ....!!!
I once fell in love with a girl who only knew 4 vowels.
She didn't know 'I' existed.
Dad: A sweater I purchased was picking up static electricity, so I returned it to the store.
Family: Ok, so?
Dad: They gave me another one free of charge.
