Rainy days are so good. You can open all the windows and drink a cold beer in your underwear.
Not sure why my Uber driver is threatening to call the cops!
My uncle has 2 Dobermans called Rolex and Timex.
They are watch dogs!
Did you hear about the big Lego sale?
People were lined up for blocks!
Why do programmers prefer the dark?
Because the light attracts bugs!
The police just pulled me over and said, "Papers?"
I said, "Scissors, I win!" and drove off.
I think he wants a rematch - he's been chasing me for 45 minutes!
It's been months since I bought the book, "How to scam people online."
It still hasn't arrived yet!
I met my wife on Tinder.
That was awkward. Her profile says, "Single"!
Difference between school and life: School teaches you lessons, and then gives you a test. Life gives you a test, and you learn the lessons!
Afghanistan has banned Chess, calling it a dangerous game. Reasons are:
1. Queen doesn't wear a burkha.
2. Queen roams freely wherever she wants to.
3. Queen is more powerful than the King.
4. Queen goes alone to opponent's territory.
5. And... most importantly, there's only ONE Queen!
Doctor, doctor... All five of my boys want to be valets when they grow up!
Doctor: Sounds like a really bad case of parking sons disease!