Clean Jokes

I mowed the lawn today, and after doing so I sat down and had a cold beer. The day was really quite beautiful, and the drink facilitated some deep thinking. My wife walked by and asked me what I was doing...

Outside England`s Bristol Zoo there is a parking lot for 150 cars and 8 buses. For 25 years, its parking fees were managed by a very pleasant attendant... The fees for cars ($1.40), for buses (about $7)...

The couple entered the resort`s swanky dining room. "I`m sorry," apologized the Maitre d, "but there are no tables available."
"One moment, my friend," said the man, drawing himself up...

An Engineer and his wife were always fighting with each other. When they had a confrontation, screaming and yelling could be heard deep into the night. The woman would shout, "When I die...

A man dies and goes to hell. Once there, he finds that there is a different hell for each country, so he tries to seek out the least painful one. At the door to German Hell, he is told: "First they put you...

A South Indian and his six year old son went to the Zoo.

At the Elephant`s section, there was a sign put up, "Feed the elephant a bun to get your age." The little boy gives a bun to the elephant...

A young Army private seeks permission from his commanding officer to leave camp the following weekend. "You see," he explains, "my wife`s expecting."
"I understand," the officer tells him. "You go, and tell your wife

Two deaf men were talking on their coffee break about being out late the night before. The first man signed to his friend, "My wife was asleep when I got home, so I was able to sneak into bed, and not get into any...

A woman stepped off a bus and realised she had left her purse on board. When she turned around, the bus was already long gone. She called the bus company and was relieved to find out the bus driver...