I make whiskey disappear.
What's your superpower?
If you received a text from me last night, please disregard it.
My phone was drunk!
You don't really truly know someone until you get ridiculously drunk with him!
Surround yourself with people who have issues.
Because these people always have alcohol!
Today I learned that the average person consumes nine alcoholic drinks a week.
Today I also learned that I am above average!
It turns out my high school chemistry teacher was right.
Alcohol is a solution!
It's a 5-minute walk from my house to the pub.
It's a 35-minute walk from the pub to my house.
The difference is staggering!
A new group called Alcoholics Unanimous has been founded, if you don't feel like having a drink, you ring a member and he comes over to persuade you!
Wheat makes Beer.
Corn makes Whisky.
Grapes make Wine.
Potatoes make Vodka.
One just can't get drunk without farmers!
Always buy a bigger bottle than you think you may need... Because it's better to be safe than sober!
