Me: I want to be like Hemingway.
Friend: A writer?
Me: No. An alcoholic!
It's time to replace your heart with another liver, so that you can drink more and care less!
Dear Alcohol,
We had a deal where you would make me funnier, smarter and a better dancer. I saw the video.
We need to talk!
Vodka is just potatoes that made the right career choices!
After my fourth whiskey, I heard it whisper,
"Now is the time to tell people what you really think."
If a little wine does the body good then a lot of wine does the body better!
Every alcoholic has two sides to every story.
His side and...
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
the right side!
Because I can't afford a vacation.
So I'm just going to drink until I don't know where I am!
Never take advice from me. You'll end up drunk!
For me, every chair is a reclining chair when I am drunk!