If there were an award for the most skeptical person, the most skeptical person might not accept the award!
If there were a technology that could control our dreams, companies would use it to run ads during our sleep!
Dentists always ask dumb questions like `When's the last time you flossed?`
Like bro, you were there. You did it!
These days nobody respects age.
Unless it's distilled and bottled!
I once entered the world kleptomaniac championships.
I took gold, silver, and bronze!
I only know 25 letters of the alphabet.
I don't know y!
I got tired of being judged for going bald so I went out and bought a cheap wig.
It was a small price toupee!
Wimbledon tells us how the British want the world to think about them, and Football tells us how they actually are!
The wife was checking her husband's phone and saw a contact named COVID-19, she called the number and her own phone rang.
And the husband is now isolated!
A man was brought to court in connection with a street accident.
Lawyer: How did you cause the accident?
Man: Which accident?
Lawyer: The accident for which you are in court now.
Man: I had fallen asleep before the accident happened. If I had been awake I could tell you!