Clean Jokes

How does an attorney sleep?
First he lies on one side, then he lies on the other side.

I have a few jokes about unemployed people....

An elderly couple returned to a Mercedes dealership find the salesman had just sold the car they were interested in, to a beautiful woman. "I thought you said you would hold that car until we raised...

I let my wife borrow the BMW today... I told her to be careful, there`s plenty of idiots on the road in London.
Sure enough about 15 minutes later on the radio; I hear that there`s a car driving on the wrong side...

A Kung Fu student asks his teacher, "Master, why does my ability not improve? I`m always defeated."
And the master, pensive and forever patient, answers, "My dear pupil, have you seen the gulls flying by the setting sun...

While riding my motorbike, I swerved to avoid hitting a deer, lost control and landed in a ditch, severely banging my head. Dazed and confused I crawled out of the ditch to the edge of the road when...

There`s a beer convention in town, and all the CEOs from all the beer companes are there. During a break between seminars, a few of them went down to the hotel bar for a drink. The Anheuser Busch CEO says to the bartender...

Two doctors are in front of their clinic about to go in when they see a man hobbling down the street towards them. The first doctor says, "I bet that poor chap is suffering from a hernia...

At a party attended by many celebrities, a gray-haired veteran walked up to the stage with a cane and took his seat.
The host asked, "Do you still go to the doctor often?"
The veteran replied...

While the family was having their dinner, the little girl wasn`t eating. After a few moments, she said, "I have something to tell you people."
Silence around the table.
"I`m no longer a virgin...

So, my wife managed to crash the car again today. When the police showed up, she was all fired up, insisting that the guy she hit was being totally reckless.
"He was on his phone...